DARKNESS IN THE LIGHT

Lest my sorrow be a bore,
please listen to my heart so sore.
As for time, it has been of months,
only three.
however it does seem to be
months of many more.
I won't have real time to mourn.
Until these other burdens
have been borne.
Moving is a crushing bore.
finding people to aide,
they really haven't been made.
why am I doing a post,'
because writing seems to help the most.
As though I'm writing to a friend,
releasing how I feel,
trying to let the onion peel.,
(egad, did I really write that?
a desperate reach for a rhyme,
must have come,
from an old hat of mine.)
My head is in such a muddle,
I feel like I fell head first,
into a deep mud puddle.
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CGZ-4-17-12
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TOY BROWN POODLE

Isn't this cute. it's little brown toy poodle I found on Amazon. I miss having a little dog to keep me company. but, I couldn't take care of it. So, last year I purchased some s mall things from Amazon. when I'm lonely or bored, I shop.
Yesterday, I called my brother, to see what's new. after a bit he said, "I bought me a puppy.'
"A puppy!', ok what kind?
found her at the flea market.(I figured.) some sort of poodle cross. It's a female, has cute big feet.(oh, my.) she's quite young, he thinks she was just weened, because it still wants to lap milk. no shots. so to the vet she goes, as as he can. he does live on a limited income. so do I, but I may be able help him with that. The dog is black and white, poodle shag. I asked him if he named her yet. Even his girl friend and her granddaughter think it's a cool name for a cute dog.ah,ha,) yes, he wants to name her: 'Lila'. LILA!! oh my. that was our Mother's name.
I've always tried to not give human names my fur persons.
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POSTING

even with out pictures, which will be boring. I will post on occasion.an put
Maybe I can find another computer person who can put things back. It's like losing another piece of Dale.
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PINK MOON

I wish I could do a tribute to this full moon. but, my computer crashed and it was redone, I lost my Photo suite. I'm lost without it.
the guy never heard of it!. I've been using it since I got my first computer in 1999.
I miss my printer.
no Pink Moon art to share.
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GONE

I have no dreams
for they have flown
never more to
ever be known,
there are no dreams
now I'm alone.
The flowers wilt before they bloom.
In my heart for joy
there is no room.
I no longer see the moon,
behind the trees and clouds
It rides and from my sorrow
it's silvery beauty hides.
each day is as the rest,
nothing bad or best.
The only thing there
is to test. is how through
the day I exist.
everything is in a twist.
How to unravel a tangled
mess and I try
to remember who I was,
then, before, or how to see.
I am looking desperately
for another me.
Is there somewhere,
someone I can be.
is there out there,
a new way to see,
a path, to follow back to me.
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One is a lonely Number

I had a subject. but, I had trouble accessing my blog. I let a friend use my computer and he forgot to sign out. So, GOOGLE was blocking me, reading it as a high jacker. I'm in. But, I don't know if it will work next time.
I've mis-placed my art binders, and because of my right eye , I won't able to redo them. I am in a very dismayed place.
What I miss is someone to talk to about things I'm interested in. most only have one interest. I have a dozen or more. Only my best friend is like me the most. she's lonely too. And now having an entire continent between us is hard to bear. We talk. but, we'll never see each other again.
I sent her my wax fashion doll I made and dressed 40 years ago, along with the doll's wardrobe that spent years making. I no longer had a place to keep my favorite and most prized doll.
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LONLINESS

Loneliness is death. I never thought I would end up alone. I believed that what family I did have, would help me when I was in need.
I not only lost my husband, I lost my entire life. my way of living, my house, My being, my self, that one who I used to be. I have to sell what I can. donate the rest. I have completely stripped myself of all that had meaning. I feel I I am stranded naked in a universe somewhere. I don't know where I will end up. lost in a whirlwind, trying to get out. thousands of decisions to make, everyday.
I break down in fear, that it will never end. no matter what the outcome life is nonexistent. and will never return. happiness, contentment are words that were never in my vocabulary or universe.
I read somewhere, you have to give yourself permission to be happy. Hah!! there is always something out there that says; No.
The small gods laugh.
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