Saturday, February 4, 2012


Loneliness is death. I never thought I would end up alone. I believed that what family I did have, would help me when I was in need.
I not only lost my husband, I lost my entire life. my way of living, my house, My being, my self, that one who I used to be. I have to sell what I can. donate the rest. I have completely stripped myself of all that had meaning. I feel I I am stranded naked in a universe somewhere. I don't know where I will end up. lost in a whirlwind, trying to get out. thousands of decisions to make, everyday.
I break down in fear, that it will never end. no matter what the outcome life is nonexistent. and will never return. happiness, contentment are words that were never in my vocabulary or universe.
I read somewhere, you have to give yourself permission to be happy. Hah!! there is always something out there that says; No.
The small gods laugh.