Friday, December 21, 2012


I can't draw like I used to, so I  found  this  really cute picture on the 'net.


Thursday, December 13, 2012


THIS VERY PALE.  AND ONLY A SKETCH.    I'll do a painting when I find  my art supplies.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012


The worst part about this stage of my life is; I have no dreams  Not even the prospect of a dream. 
Dreams and wishes are what sustains a soul. having something to look forward to.
I never thought this would happen. I had always been one who was optimistic.   Now I am only perplexed.
this is an old piece, I made, several a  few years ago.

Saturday, November 17, 2012


Rained today. Hard, All night. non stop. Dave took, his dog for a walk, and to bring up the mail. They got soaked. Then, BOOM, BOOM,  Lightening. I jumped, and for Pete's sake. Startled me so---I yelped. 
Made my little mobile  shiver  a little.
I was sitting here, playing Christmas music on my computer. My little stereo, is lost in the denizens of one of the storage sheds.
I found  a  Traditional Christmas music station on my Dish TV>  channel 73.  A pop one on 74.  Nice.
I do have some Cd's too. I really didn't think I would do Christmas, but, it always was Our favorite time of year. 
I guess he wanted me to. 


Saturday, November 10, 2012

LOST AMONG THE STARS*****************

This is  where my dearest one is, waiting for me. wandering, free among the stars.
where he always wanted to be.
Free from all the pains, disappointments, unfulfilled  broken dreams of life.
I hope he is happy and at peace.
And-- barefoot
I loved him.
it awhile to work out how to make this image.

Friday, October 26, 2012


It rained  today. First rain since Spring, and since I have come here.  It was welcome. Maybe it settled the dust. But, there is dust in the heat vents, and now I  have a sore nose too. I asked my brother if any store here carried filters for floor vents. He answered, unfortunately, no.
Perhaps if can somehow get to a fabric store, I can find, thin batting. a handyman, in the Villages, said that would work and be cheaper.
I had a catalog, but, I guess it got lost or it was thrown away in the move.


Life is scary enough.  Who needs all this modern  sickening, spook movie crap.
Halloween used to be a time to remember and show  honor  to the ancestors who have crossed over, through the mystic veil, between worlds.
Go to church and pray.
Put flowers on some ones  resting place.  Sing songs of joy.  Dance circle dances, on a green. and wear wreaths of  cornflowers in your hair. Light candles. So the spirits can find their way back through  the  shadowed gate. 
I'll put up a picture later

Friday, October 5, 2012


can time make up for
all life's pain?.
to cover the memories
with layers  of other days.

can tears wash out 
the graying  emptiness.
there is not enough
to bring light  back
to a hollow heart.

only shadows,
occupy this place.
I see them move
across the wall.

they haunt my nights
and accompany
all my days.


Monday, October 1, 2012

Neil Diamond---Time goes by.

Isn't he handsome.  I didn't find him until the 70's when he finally made it big. He had been out there for maybe ten years, working hard to make it.
The song that caught me was; 'Longfellow Serenade'.  Got me hooked. We did get to go to some of Neil's concerts.Memorable You know what makes Neil  great? well of course, his words and music. But, men like his music too
I've been watching his videos on  Musicatory, and YOUTUBE.
finding out things I never knew.
His early  songs are neat    My.  husband had a resemblance to Neil. They are both part Polish. .No, my husband didn't sing.   but, I can  I sing along.  I sing real notes. not in the cracks.
I am doing this because  of course I like Neil, but, also, because his music reminds me of a happier time. when our life  was good. and  Dale and I  were happy.
P.S.  The Jazz Singer,  did not deserve the criticism it received.
I have a copy. the story is strong.  Neil was Neil.
really, even  Kirk Douglas,  played himself.
I've watched thousands of movies.   And  I've done a little  acting myself.

Friday, September 28, 2012

FLOWERS---------part two

This goes with  the roses.  Neil Diamond's song, became our song. my husband's and me.  I loved flowers. my husband,  saw that I got them.  First, he ordered from florists. but they died too quick.
So, wherever we were, he planted flowers and  roses. We both liked to garden. It  was something we did together and enjoyed together.
Where I am now,   there is no room or place for any kind of garden. Not, even in pots. I miss my flowers from my husband. He's gone. I miss him.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012


This  my boat that I row now.
no longer two. lost a paddle and drifting in the currant.
maybe later, I will just jump in. and see what happens.
likely will get wet, chilled and catch cold-------
and survive, in spite of anything.
well, this is dumb. picture, under a post.   GOOGLE techs. don't know from squat.

Monday, September 24, 2012

how do you block unwanted followers

I  keep  getting nasty followers from asia. they think all Americans are rich and stupid. makes me really angry.
and for for some reason,  I can't seem to block.
the BLUE' button doesn't work.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Good grief!!   What have they been doing?  an entire new page.  I don't care for changes. they are always nasty. The spell check is useless.
I had a great Sunday. my computer crashed---again. this makes the fourth time this year alone. It's an old one. Toshiba. 
anyway, a tech. spent the afternoon, working on making my old thing  into some kind of workable  tool. 
Now I have to get used to some new  applications.  And sign in on all my sites. 
Lost a few of my bookmarks.
I was going to add to a previous post.
That  photo  of my old patio, I use as the background, when I open my computer.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Does anyone know how to get rid of this Hacker? Re: jet-----, thing. it's invaded my blog. , but, I have it here, but, didn't with COMCAST. I now have AT&T U-Verse. What a pain.
My computer is an old one. It has it's fits and starts.

Sunday, June 10, 2012


I have moved. I am now living in low income accommodations. it's a nice mobile. but. no way will all of my stuff ever fit. I gave away, threw away and sold a lot. yet, an overflow. Up here, I have no idea what to do with it.
I'm not going to stress myself. something will come along. it has before.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Dale was influenced by the song: You Don't Bring Me Flowers---.
He knew I loved flowers. especially, roses. So, where ever we lived, if there was any kind of space. He would plant a bush, or other things.
He tried florist flowers, but didn't last a week. When I became floral designer, we found out why.
(that's another story.)
Then when we moved here, my husband(dearest one) put in 15 bushes. and had a good time tending them.
since he passed the bushes and the garden began to go weedy. and dry. no one to care for it. I couldn't.
Finally, as Easter approached, I noticed something red on one bush. I went out and inspected it.
There was a single red rose coming on. the only one in the entire garden. I knew was from him.
Because, you see. It bloomed on Easter Day. Which I knew it would.
After that, I hired a gardener, and have been enjoying watching Dale send me roses, until I leave.
Here is a picture, it's not lush, but it's lovely to me.

Friday, May 11, 2012


what a pace, as I leave this place,
sifting though the excess of my life.
so many decisions, what to take and
what leave.
how much I have, I can't believe.
I wanted very much to have a nest.
and place away from the world
where we could find some rest.
yes, our own citadel of solitude,
Because Life, can be so very rude.
What's interesting about this wish,
One time my husband came home and after he shut the door. He remarked, ugh, it's so depressing here, change your clothes and we will go out somewhere.
I kept our home calm and quiet, soft music. or TV on low. because I grew up in a chaotic home. My little poodle liked it that way too.
I was very hurt and bewildered. It took me years to talk to him about it. If things weren't at a light speed pace, he didn't know how to handle it. turns out his childhood home was chaotic too.
Took most of our married life to get stuff out of him.e was here.
Men, getting them to talk takes great finesse and patient perseverance.
In fact, I've learned more about since he passed away, than I knew when he was here.
I've come across things, as I sort through his things. Stuff I can tell, he hid, but did leave for me to find. Explains much about his psyche.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


Changes in The wind, suggested an air bed. Well, I do sort of have one. I was so lonely, and a friend just broke up with her boyfriend(she's younger than me.) And came to stay with me until I move. I sent her to Target, those beds were on sale. $60.00. however, plus extras, to about up to $70.00. She's sleeping on it now. The air beds need a good mattress cover, or they are cold.
It's a so, so, bed.
But, I want something I can use every day, to curl up on and read, watch, TV, draw(a little), or take a nap without messing up my bed.
I don't know yet. I've decided to wait until I actually get up there.
A love seat would be nice. But, brother and his two sons are all, over six feet tall.
I just had some nasty, expensive dental work and it rather cut into my budget. So, I will have to take awhile to furnish my modular. I have the bare basics right now.

Friday, May 4, 2012


I've thinking of getting a day bed for the living area, rather than a sofa. but as I look at the photos of my new home. a daybed would be too big. I hate sofas. they are big, clunky and unappealing. but I will need a guest bed.
here is a picture of a daybed I saw online.

Friday, April 27, 2012


still at it. tried to get outof here in April. But, it will be May. It's getting to be way too much of a drain on my resources. this is where my husband and I moved in 2003. we thought, what a lovely place to pass our last years. It became a horror story. what ever could go wrong, did.
looks pretty doesn't. it's hot in the summer and cold in the winter.
the constantly moving air and the replaced planting, gave me a bad case of neuro dermatitus. I've endured it for four years and Kaiser hasn't been able to do a thing about it. I have been in constant pain since May 2009.

Saturday, April 21, 2012


IT'S SMALL, EASY FOR ME to MOVE AROUND IN. Hopefully I will find an efficient home Care assistant. It's paid for. I hope to move in soon. I have to vacate this way too big place I'm in now. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My nephew wants to make a set of descending ramps for me to walk down. I do have trouble with steps.
It's basically fairly safe. it is a Mobile Home park for Seniors only.
And only space away from my brother's modular. His is, of course stationary. (or is that spelled with an, 'e'.)



Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Lest my sorrow be a bore,
please listen to my heart so sore.
As for time, it has been of months,
only three.
however it does seem to be
months of many more.
I won't have real time to mourn.
Until these other burdens
have been borne.
Moving is a crushing bore.
finding people to aide,
they really haven't been made.
why am I doing a post,'
because writing seems to help the most.
As though I'm writing to a friend,
releasing how I feel,
trying to let the onion peel.,
(egad, did I really write that?
a desperate reach for a rhyme,
must have come,
from an old hat of mine.)
My head is in such a muddle,
I feel like I fell head first,
into a deep mud puddle.

Monday, April 16, 2012


Isn't this cute. it's little brown toy poodle I found on Amazon. I miss having a little dog to keep me company. but, I couldn't take care of it. So, last year I purchased some s mall things from Amazon. when I'm lonely or bored, I shop.
Yesterday, I called my brother, to see what's new. after a bit he said, "I bought me a puppy.'
"A puppy!', ok what kind?
found her at the flea market.(I figured.) some sort of poodle cross. It's a female, has cute big feet.(oh, my.) she's quite young, he thinks she was just weened, because it still wants to lap milk. no shots. so to the vet she goes, as as he can. he does live on a limited income. so do I, but I may be able help him with that. The dog is black and white, poodle shag. I asked him if he named her yet. Even his girl friend and her granddaughter think it's a cool name for a cute dog.ah,ha,) yes, he wants to name her: 'Lila'. LILA!! oh my. that was our Mother's name.
I've always tried to not give human names my fur persons.

Sunday, April 15, 2012


even with out pictures, which will be boring. I will post on put
Maybe I can find another computer person who can put things back. It's like losing another piece of Dale.

Saturday, April 7, 2012


I wish I could do a tribute to this full moon. but, my computer crashed and it was redone, I lost my Photo suite. I'm lost without it.
the guy never heard of it!. I've been using it since I got my first computer in 1999.
I miss my printer.
no Pink Moon art to share.

Friday, March 23, 2012


I have no dreams
for they have flown
never more to
ever be known,
there are no dreams
now I'm alone.
The flowers wilt before they bloom.
In my heart for joy
there is no room.
I no longer see the moon,
behind the trees and clouds
It rides and from my sorrow
it's silvery beauty hides.
each day is as the rest,
nothing bad or best.
The only thing there
is to test. is how through
the day I exist.
everything is in a twist.
How to unravel a tangled
mess and I try
to remember who I was,
then, before, or how to see.
I am looking desperately
for another me.
Is there somewhere,
someone I can be.
is there out there,
a new way to see,
a path, to follow back to me.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

One is a lonely Number

I had a subject. but, I had trouble accessing my blog. I let a friend use my computer and he forgot to sign out. So, GOOGLE was blocking me, reading it as a high jacker. I'm in. But, I don't know if it will work next time.
I've mis-placed my art binders, and because of my right eye , I won't able to redo them. I am in a very dismayed place.
What I miss is someone to talk to about things I'm interested in. most only have one interest. I have a dozen or more. Only my best friend is like me the most. she's lonely too. And now having an entire continent between us is hard to bear. We talk. but, we'll never see each other again.
I sent her my wax fashion doll I made and dressed 40 years ago, along with the doll's wardrobe that spent years making. I no longer had a place to keep my favorite and most prized doll.

Saturday, February 4, 2012


Loneliness is death. I never thought I would end up alone. I believed that what family I did have, would help me when I was in need.
I not only lost my husband, I lost my entire life. my way of living, my house, My being, my self, that one who I used to be. I have to sell what I can. donate the rest. I have completely stripped myself of all that had meaning. I feel I I am stranded naked in a universe somewhere. I don't know where I will end up. lost in a whirlwind, trying to get out. thousands of decisions to make, everyday.
I break down in fear, that it will never end. no matter what the outcome life is nonexistent. and will never return. happiness, contentment are words that were never in my vocabulary or universe.
I read somewhere, you have to give yourself permission to be happy. Hah!! there is always something out there that says; No.
The small gods laugh.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012


you know what's worse than losing someone you love? It's to know when you go to sleep, there is nothing to wake up for. nothing to look forward to. time is just periods of light and periods of dark. all past, no future. blankness, emptiness. a void.
I used to be very creative. now, why bother.

Monday, January 9, 2012


Lonely, lost, empty days. too devastated to take myself away. Like my brother, I never expected to end up alone. and I do mean alone. no one for backup.
there are some nice people showing up. offering help or aid. very unexpected.
I'm too old to get a dog, even a used doggy who needs a new owner. I couldn't care for it. and then tey sicken and die, no, never again. I've had enough death.