Thursday, December 24, 2009



Wednesday, December 23, 2009


You know, I still believe in Santa Claus. That he does exist and like the snowman, is reborn each Christmas. Sound familiar? The reason I have always believed is the way my mother explained him, when my parents had to tell us, so we wouldn't be too disillusioned. Kids are cruel you know. They love to spread their hurt to other children.
So, that Santa could come and bring us our presents, Mom and Dad always sent my brother Bud and I down to our grandparents, to give them their Christmas tree, set it up and decorate it.
By the time we returned home, wow, lo and behold, Santa had come. We missed him again. We sometimes tried to hurry with the tree, but, grandma and grandpa, found a way to detain us. The timing of course had already been worked out ahead of time.
Bud, being 4 years older than me, had already been told. It's amazing that he kept the secret for me. How Bud found out was not how mom planned.
When it was just him, mom and dad would wait for him to go bed and go to sleep. However, that one time came along. He woke up as they were putting out the presents.
He said, "awww, I knew it was you guys." He was very upset to have found out that way.
" Why do grownups do that? To make fools of us kids?"
Mom and Dad tried to explain, but, he was just really so disturbed that parents would purposely lie to their children. I don't remember how old he was at the time. But too young for it. Maybe 4 or 5. Bud was 4 years older than me. But, after I was born, he kept the secret. Which was really amazing, considering his ambivalent feelings toward me.
So when It came time for me to be told, Bud waited to see how I would take it. I did ask Mom why a Santa. I think by the time I had come along, Mom had had time to think of a good answer.
Santa Claus is the symbol of the spirit of Christmas. The manger event is the reason. Santa is for the magic and miracles that can happen. The playfulness Santa is the secular celebration. Magic and wonder. A time of unexpected things. Warmth, love togetherness, thinking of others. a chance to do for someone else.
She explained it much better than that. Her explanation, softened the blow, and I was not disappointed that Santa was not 'real'. But, he is as real as we may want him to be.
So, that's why I still believe in Santa Claus. To me, he is another way to celebrate .

Monday, December 21, 2009


And the wheel turns again. On it spins, another year, another solstice. The stars shine on. Eternally through time and space.
And yet, we are such ephemeral creatures, our existence like mist in the wind.
The star that shone still shines. All we need do, is fine it and follow. Leading us to solace and the light.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


Today is our 47th. Anniversary.
We didn't have big wedding. We weren't 'wedded'. We were 'married'. Just the two of us, went to the courthouse. Then across the street to a quiet chapel. Two female clerks were our witnesses.
The bride wore red. (Because it was winter and the dress was a warm knit.) The 'bride'smaid' wore sage green and the 'best man' wore violet.
We didn't tell anyone until after. My parents found out when we went up for Christmas. Hb. sent his Mom a card. My Mother was somewhat miffed. Dad, bemused. My kid brother laughed. Later when my older brother was told. He just said, oh.
I had planned a celebration at the 25th. anni. But, by then, both mom and dad were gone. So, it no longer mattered. Do I regret. No.
My Hb. is my second marriage. Mom made me have a wedding the first time. When I hadn't wanted it. So, been there done that.
By now, I have been married the longest. No big deal. Marriage is only for tax purposes anyway. So, the gov. can be sure they get their full share of our hard earned wages.
But, we've rubbed along rather well.
That first night at home on christmas. Mom and my kid brother had poured rice all over the sheets. I just went to the kitchen and found a jar to put it in. Kept it for years.
I didn't say a word. Ha, ha. My family were surprised. No one ever mentioned it. That's the way we are.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I Love.
You love.
She loves.
He loves.
They love.
What is love?
What is meant
by the word love?
Who loves?
Optimum love.

Monday, December 7, 2009


We had weather today. Real weather. There was: rain, snow, wind, rain and snow. Haven't seen anything like in months. Now we are wearing 3 layers of clothes-in the house, and the therm. says-72 degrees! These residences here are not designed for optimum weather control. They are hot in the summer and cold in the winter. The builder and architect didn't think ahead. I have lived in several tract homes, and you can always tell, they were designed by a man. Designed for economic cost and materials and space. But-- not, I repeat, not designed for convenience.
But, one thing though, the weather is good for the ideal American style Christmas. Love that snow.
Have you ever built little outdoor igloo shaped snow lumieres? Do it this year, it's fun, and what's more, now there are battery tea lites. Won't melt the snow and put out the lights.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Used to be: "Have a holly, jolly Christmas. It's the great time of year--------"
I really miss Christmas. I always ignored, what others termed " crass commercialism". Simply because that is NOT what Christmas was about. But, I did take advantage of all the choices available, because of it. Made it easier to find something special for the recipient. Christmas is about bringing the best in people. Being kind and thoughtful about and towards others. Family, friends. Or outright strangers.
And of course, giving us a real reason to reconnect and acknowledge, that is there is something, larger and good out there. A spiritual model for us follow.
Sorry folks, but it does exist, even if someone doesn't except that. If I wasn't so sick all the time now, I would go serve food at the charity kitchens. So, we give food when we can.
So, remember, Christmas is about caring and giving and most of all, Love- spiritual, platonic and agape.