Friday, December 30, 2011


My husband died Tuesday afternoon. After a two year illness. He had ALS. Worse than cancer. with cancer, there is a chance. ALS----nothing. You watch them diminish. Fade away, losing everything there were. Ending up in a bed, incapacitated in every way. I sat by him, seeing his breath become slower and slower, becoming more pale and cold. as the blood drained into his body. Lying there, gone from me forever.
It was bad, when I first lost my Mother. Then my Dad. Really I cried for ten years. I couldn't get past my grief. After ten years, I managed it. Now, this grief, I will have until I die. No matter how long I live. I probably only have 5-7 years at best anyway. And I have no idea how I will manage to survive them. I not only lost Dale, I literally lost everything.

Sunday, December 25, 2011


this a page from a 2007 journal. I still had positive thoughts, hopes and small dreams.
those are all gone now. no hopes,. no dreams, no wishes, fantasy is only a child's game. I developed it late, and had it destroyed early.
life is like that

Tuesday, December 13, 2011


Men, never grow up. they stop at whatever age they have their first sex experience. then spend the rest of their lives trying to recreate it. sorry guys. there is only one first kiss. a single tingle. the rest are only shadows, pale memories.
you are only chasing yesterday. but, it is dead and gone. the memories are ashes. you only get that sweetness once.
same for women. there is no prince charming. only a lot of silly boys.

Monday, December 5, 2011

GOOD GRIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do they think more intricate the better? stumps me. simplicity is a lost situation. tech, tech tech. sounds like some kind of clock, marking time.
r u 2 tec? yes, u r 2 tec. makes you stupid and illiterate. you will never be able to read any of the deep and beautiful classics.
My brother has a grand daughter who writes to me in 'text'. I reply in educated literate English.
maybe we will both learn something.
What is more hilarious, the young people have discovered the convenience of an old typewriter. HAH!
And, film cameras!!! a positive hoot. hoo hah. maybe the original model T" or A Ford will make a come back. well, it did get good gas mileage.

Sunday, September 11, 2011


well, sink that ship. it's all bogus anyway. it's an ocean rich for I.D. theft phishers. people are dumb enough to fall for it. in fact the entire 'net, is an open season on all of us.
actually, that's not the subject I wanted to mention.
I've been intriged by the name of an actress(ok;female-actor) on NCIS, Cote d Pablo.
I know some Spanish, a bit of French, and a touch of Latin. Probaly a lot of you, already have worked out the translation. Her name is such a clever play on words. I quite appreciated her humour. As you can see, I waited a while to track it down, because the joke, was neat.
here's what I came up with, if someone else has a different idea, maybe I'll find out.
Cote d Pablo='rib' of Pablo, i.e.-child of Family Pablo. really subtle. makes me laugh.

Monday, August 1, 2011


And that is as bad as it gets. But, this time there is no rebuilding. No more time for insurance. No way or anymore left. It's all spent. It's all gone. the people have gone other ways, down other paths. Even the house is empty, no dog either. only rooms full of bleak emptiness. photos are only shadows of memories.
the only companions are tears and sorrows and loneliness.

Thursday, July 14, 2011


Thank you for the letter. Life is just no fun anymore is it. I had that ghastly flu/bronchitis thing in December. Know where I caught it. At the hospital. I had gone to the clinic. for a thing. Lasted three months. AND, I have my pneumonia shot.
So I know what you are going through. My Brother had it twice during the bad weather. Now he has it again. caught it from his granddaughter who occasionally stays with him. I keep begging him to get his Pneumonia shot.
He was able to get some antibiotics this time, because his girlfriend got him signed up for SSI. thank goodness, because he not only really needed medical aid. But, he now has a small income. My Hb. is failing daily. he has almost completely lost use of his hands. and can't move his arms. I do a lot more for him.
He has fallen down twice this month. Gwen next door helped me get him up. The next time, I tried to do it myself. We both went down and I hurt my back and hip again. So, I had to call his Home Care-provider. We had to wait half and hour because he lives in that far away. I sat with Hb. and talked to him and put a pillow under head. Which was OK.
The helper came right in and with a towel under Hb.'s arms just lifted him right up.
It's getting scary. I am trying to prepare myself. but I'm not doing a very good job of it.

Sunday, July 10, 2011


I am still here. But not too much to talk about. My husband's ALS, continues apace. Even the doctors have never seen it advance so quickly. I do my best to care for him. and he does have a Home Care provider. So do I. As I have my own things. He has fallen serveral times. The last two, I had to call for help. As I unfourtunately realize, I can not do all I would like to.
My hips are bad, and my left hip keeps going out.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

EXCUSE-ME------------!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU JERK

I am getting really disgusted and angry, with all those foreign men taking the wrong idea about our entitled American women. we are equal in rights to the male population. Economically, socially, culturally and in education.
We are not chattel. We belong to no one, but ourselves. And Buster--we have the right to say,"NO". You jerks out there. No is a complete sentence. What part of No, do you not understand?
And those overgrown male brats, that find it a major offence that a 'girl' can have the choice to say no. A 'girl', telling me no. Stupid idiots. What kind of culture are we making here? Anyway?
I'm with Jane Velez-Mitchell about the War Against Women.
To men, women have always been seen as 'prey'. Maybe that attitude can only be cured by a lobotomy.
At the same time, girls are taking their civil rights way the wrong way. Becoming rough girls. I'm sorry babe, wrong tack. The female gender has always been the civilized half. If the females lose or reject that, then society is on a slippery slope.
Young women don't become thugs or gang banger. Don't fall into concubinage, and slave to some violent state.
The reason I got up on this soapbox, is the story of that French so-and-so, who raped the chamber maid. Sorry, you yo-yo. We don't condone that here. And that young lady was not included with the room service. Soooooooooooo, glad you were, nailed before departure. And guy, In this case, diplomatic, won't apply. HAH!!!.
I hope our enforcement law system can make it stick.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Great Work Special Teams. You nailed this target. Your courage and dedication is greatly appreciated.
You know, it's almost anti-climatic, to find the action has taken place.
And yet, there are 'flat-earther' types who don't want to believe. Those in charge of our national security, are debating on the pics, because it could cause more problems. Also, some our dead have been disrespected, and maybe we want to show that we are not barbarians.
As for me, I'm sick to death of hearing about 'old Binny'. now he's gone. good riddence. Ok, next target----------
Thank you all in charge of our National Security. Really great job.

Monday, April 25, 2011


Hope you had a nice one. it rained here.
Orig. Art-by: CGZ
copyright: April-2011

Sunday, April 3, 2011


People used to read blogs, and say hello. I miss that. no one does that, or else they all deserted blogs for face book. I guess they think they have a larger audience. Let me tell. a few friends, are safer than being an exhibitionist for the whole world. They don't realize there all sorts of creeps and other dangerous louts out there.
Even though I have tried to protect my blogs. I have still had a masher or two, try to sweet talk someone they think might be stupid, lonely and gullible. I just twisted their nose, and blocked them. No, I didn't email. I made brief blog. Which I then deleted.

Saturday, April 2, 2011


A friend of mine emailed me something she found on line. It was about cats. 'The art of Sleeping in a box'. A couple dozen photos of cats sleeping in boxes. Really cute.
Now, I'm not a cat person. But some are OK.
Long ago, I think I was still in college, my kid brother brought home a kitten, from one the litters his cousin's cats had. A female, short-haired all coal black, the only white hair anywhere was a small spot on her chest. Oh gad. Female. Kid, why not a male. 'because, I liked this one, and she came to me.
Being late in the year, we asked if ' Kitty' could stay in the house until warmer weather. Dad said, no, animals live outside.
Mom said, she's tiny and short haired. She'll freeze to death. she hasn't any other cat to cuddle with.
As long as there was warmer weather, Kitty was outside. But, we let her in at night. she got used to it.
Mom was always chary of animals because she picked up ringworm easily.
Kitty seemed to understand, just like our mama dog did. Mom liked them, but no petting. Mom would just talk to them, and they would listen and respect her. Kitty, when she came in would always go to Mom, sit and make a 'Meow'. Mom would say hello back. yes, you are a very pretty cat, but I can't pet you. sorry. OK?
Kitty would meow back, sometimes she would stand up and pat Mom's leg.
Then cat would get down and and go eat or have drink. When Mom was sitting in the chair by the heater, Kitty Puss would look up my brother or me to play with. Brother and I made toys for her to play with.
Kitty left Dad alone, she sensed quite well that daddy disapproved. However, he was definitely
out voted. Now, I can't remember if she had her own bed or not. But, I do remember that she would sleep with my brother. She would also come say hello to me and cuddle.
If Kitty wanted to go out, she would go to the door, and meow to go out. When she was through, she would meow to come in. We didn't train her, she did that by herself.
She slept mostly in mom's chair by the heater. It had plastic upholstery, so mom would wipe it down with some lysol, before sitting in it, next morning.
Kitty had a sweet gentle nature, very amiable, never got into to things or made a mess. She was very clean. She was very much a lap cat. Loved to be petted. she would hop in our lap and begin purring before we began. Sweet, sweet kitty cat.
Kitty wasn't demanding, if we said no, that was it.
After we lost her. I didn't want another cat. But, my brother did bring home another of his cousin's kittens. But cat stayed outside. Dad definitely put his foot down this time. 'Cat-Cat', (a tom this time) lived in the mechanic garage and slept in whatever car my kid brother was building at the time. Cat liked to pretend he was helping work on the car too. Cute.
I thought I had a picture of kitty in the turqoiuse chair, but this is Kitty in the grey frieze
chair. Mom replaced it with the vinyl chair, since kitty shared it with her.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

ONCE- I HAD A GARDEN---------------

I always wanted a garden. I lucked out in marrying a man who also liked gardening.
so, we have always had some sort of garden , no matter where we lived. I loved flowers, and he grew lots of them for me. He wanted to send me roses. But, the florist roses died too soon. After that, Hb. started growing roses for me. So loving. so considerate. Beautiful roses. All colors. I particularly like broken colors. they are so festive. To have a bouquet at home, one has to grow
two dozen bushes.
Well, when we moved here, we only had room for about a dozen. We occaitionally cut a rose or two for inside. But, I decided to leave them on the bushes, so that I could look out and watch them bloom.
Last year, the garden was really lovely. Hb. made everything so healthy.
But, sadly this this year. No, roses, scruffy garden area. weeds, grass, sorrel, simlax, etc. pine needles three inches thick. Sigh.
Finally, there was an ad in our village paper. a gardener looking for supplimentary work. My dearest Hb. called, and so the garden was cleaned up, at a price, of course. It doesn't seem that he know much about cultivating roses. I just hope the allissum will come back.
One by one, all the things we liked to do, we have to hire someone to do it for us. I hate having to be dependent.

Friday, March 25, 2011


I missed the super moon. It was not just raining, it was STORMING, rain ran in a river down our high slanted roof. So I only got to view it online. Noy quite the same.
So, all I can share with you. is my paon to the year of the RABBIT. In the orient a rabbit lives on the moon. It's a positive sign.
Moon Rabbit-original art:

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I am disgusted with myself for not ever being brave enough to write Miss Taylor a fan letter. Letting her know how much she was admired and appreciated, not only for her incredible beauty. But, for her even greater talent. And she was granted the title: Dame by the Queen of England

Monday, March 21, 2011


well, today is the first of spring. the is the time of the vernal.
it was: windy, pouring rain and occasional hail. and c-o-l-d. brrrrrr.
and no tulips. no gerber daisies. no roses.
Spring is staying in her cave because Mr. winter is having too much fun. at least he thinks he is. Besides, he has the sealed entrance of the cave with a huge ball of ice and snow, even summer can't melt.
the ski lodges and snow people are happy.

Sunday, March 13, 2011


This past week we have had a real pest. A Tow-hee. Crazy is what it is. Woke use us up three mornings pecking at his reflection in the mirror/sunshade Mylar on the bedroom patio sliding door. Wanted to ring his neck. First we covered only the lower part. Then he would fly up, flap flap, try to hover, and peck. so, we covered up 3/4 of the door. He would still fly all the way up, flap flap, and try to peck. then tried to fly into the window. OK, so, we ended up covering the entire door. He never bothered the other part of the door, as that has the screen over it, so it is a visible barrier.
Now, we always get a Poinsettia for our anniversary. Hb. just set it out. That stupid bird, is trying to drive what it is, away. He goes round and round pecking at the pot. Looking for it's feet. It also trys the 'domination' move. but bird can't mount flower pot. He actually spends all day at it. So, Hb. moved it under the Camellia tree. The bird is not afraid of people. guess I will try to change it's mind.
I found this on the web, because I don't have photo of my own. It's a good pic. I hope they don't mind. I couldn't find the photographer's name.

Monday, March 7, 2011


It was dark, the sun had set. A cool rain hissed and spit against the windows, as though to break the glass and bring the cold in. The window was sturdy and stoutly resisted. Even though the furnace was on, there were yet cold draughts in the corners. She had built a fire in the fireplace. Now it was more comfortable. The rain decided to come down harder and colder. A seemingly veritable assault. She got up from the chair and went to the kitchen. I will make me some hot Toddy chocolate. So she did. steaming hot, creamy, rich and fragrant.
She picked up the hot mug, with a potholder, to protect her hands and help the drink stay hot longer.
Walked by the sofa to get the lap throw, continued to the chair by the vibrant fireplace, quietly burning. as she settled herself in the big cozy chair. a small parti-colored poodle, rose from the rug by the fire where she had been drowsing, came over, sat up and pawed the air. The bitty companion was asking to come up. She in the chair set the mug down and patted her lap, Columbine was up almost before the lady had finished the pat. Poodle sniffed toward the chocolate. "no, no", none for you", you will get a treat later.
Columbine, sniffed in disgust. Turned around three times and settled down in the lap. fine, a lap is better anyway, she seemed to say.
So, they cuddled there, all cozy and warm, listening to the rain and drowsing.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


We did not have snow. there was a light skiff that melted soon. the hills had a bit more. Even the Summit didn't get what was hoped. Too much build up, way huge let down.
Maybe next time they will be a little more cautious.
However the city did get some, and a couple of little girls got to make an 18" Snowman. Hey, there isn't any height limit for a snowman.

Monday, February 21, 2011

STOP THIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Microsoft has openly stolen my identity. My blog identity- silverlight- who does he think he is? Not god. I have been using silverlight since 2006. How dare someone like him, rip me off. Or anyone else, for that matter. Silverlight is owned by me. always has been.
Mr. Gates, you are a cad and a bounder. You are so rich, you could think up your own name. Take my name off those programs now.
come on, be a gentleman.
No wonder hackers are always after you.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


You wonder, yes you may,
why I do not have a
thing to say
about, any of my days.
Mostly my days, have
nothing to report.
they are not the sort.
Do you really wish
to read my plaints,
If you do, you are a saint.
Really, there is nothing
you've not heard before.
after awhile, such things
can be a bore.
Did I not say that before?
Well, today is much
like yesterday.
Sitting, watching the
SUN go by on his
his way,
across the sky.
So, we sit in ennui
and do in boredom sigh.
remembering all we
used to do.
And who we used to be.

Friday, February 4, 2011


Once upon a Buttercup,
a Butterfly flew by
and supped it up.
now wherefore did
that Butterfly have
permission to sup my cup.
surely not from me.
Each morning I looked
forward to sup myself
from my fresh-filled
cup of Butter
From my golden
No bad mannered
Butterfly has the right
To rob me of my
Luscious gift of butter
from my personal
golden floral bowl.
Now this plaint of mine
To the top I shall take.
and valid plea I shall make.
Surely Lady Mother will
rule in mine favor
because, she knows
how I do savor,
her daily gift of
butter for my toast,
And to the her
I give her boast.
And so, naughty Butterfly
Go find your own cup
of sweet butter ,
to sup up.
By mine buttercup
no more flutter.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


I love this picture. very idealistic. I wish---but, my mother never really played with me. not really. she admitted, she was never a doll person. and she had an unsure outlook, to see me love my dolls. Although, she did teach me how to thread a needle, at which I am very good. and how roll a knot without a tail, at which, I am only 50% successful.
When I was in high school, my dad had a partnership with another guy, to grow safflower. So, we occasionally visited the family. They had a sweet and I think, lonely little girl. Perhaps she was 5.
One time when I was there, I was talking to her and her mother. The elfin asked me to play tea party with her. I was very discomposed. I had no idea what to say, but, I said, " I think I am too big to play like that".
She said, " my momma plays with me all the time".
Me, "oh". very embarrassed.
"I guess it's because, maybe, my momma never had time to play with me".
As with with most children, that led to a string of unanswerable 'whys'.
Her mother saw we were in a box canyon and distracted Sally, with a promise of a treat later.
My dad was ready to leave, so we left.
But, I've always remembered that. And wished "I hadn't been so conscious of my teenage-semi-adult state, to think playing 'tea time' with a tot, would in someway, diminish my 'teenage'consequence.
Before I was in my teens, I always played with serveral of my tiny cousins. Even the little ones of the men who worked for my Dad.
I considered myself to have been very silly.
Next year the family moved away, as the safflower didn't work out. So I never got a second chance.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


drat, missed the wolf moon this year.
oh, well. this is the year of the rabbit. the Chinese say it is a harbinger of lots of 'that' sort of mischief.
but, at the same, a sign of prosperity. how about that.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


the moon between the trees
ducks under and around
the leaves
on the branches.
playing seek and find
which with the moon
humour's my mind.
finally, in a burst
of brilliance bright,
the moon ,flashes into
in all it's brilliant
opalescent hues.
painting all in silver and white
bringing the night world
shining light.
the moon inspires me more often than the sun.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Iknow, I have used this image before. It's where I was born and grew up. Left it long ago, only returned while my parents yet resided there. The last time I was there, was 1990. So, devastating. I was quite shaken. Everything in these photos were gone. Only the trees still stood.
So, many ghosts.
I talked to my younger brother, lately. He had gone up to see. took his 4th grand daughter to show her. He said, now even the trees were gone. They got sick and died and had to be cut down.
Now that is spooky. I really do feel, they waited for one of the family with the name to return. No body did.
The land is owned by a direct family member. But, he doesn't have the family name. The land knows the difference.
It is very melancholy.